May 18, 2010

did that really happen?

i really do wake up most days and have a hard time believing that i actually had cancer, and i actually went through six months of chemo and three weeks of radiation. sure, i've got lots of little physical reminders, but life just kept moving through cancer treatment, and then the day it was over it was like it never even happened. i suppose that's a good thing, but i sometimes wonder if i've pushed aside lots of important things i should have dealt with and they'll come back one day and bite me. it's a hard thing to explain, but i almost feel as if i wasn't upset or sad enough.... that, however, is probably a product of our own assumptions. before cancer, i always imagined if i had it, that it would be the worst thing that ever happened to me, and i'd spend my life sad about it. i think this is how we view cancer patients and survivors in our society...but, it seems further and further from the truth every day that i live this experience.

anyways, i'm now two and a half months since my last chemo treatment, and three weeks from my last radiation treatment. time has really flown! lots of you have asked how i'm feeling, or what lingering effects i have...luckily, i feel really good. my energy is definitely returning, and while i don't have excess energy, i'm finding that i'm enjoying longer days. i used to be tired by mid-afternoon, and could only manage to make and eat dinner before going to bed after, i can make it through my work day just fine, and when i come home i have a few good hours before i'm in bed. the stomach pain i was having has totally gone away, and now i'm almost certain that it was the prilosec causing all the discomfort (even though the GI specialist didn't agree)...either way, i'm glad that's gone. my hair is definitely growing back...eyebrows are almost totally back to normal, and i have my first haircut since last summer this morning to even out whatever i had left with what's coming in. probably the worst lingering effect of treatment is my skin...i have had a rash on my feet since i finished chemo that won't go away, and i have patchy red, dry, itchy skin on my upper arms and back. but, if dry skin and a rash is the worst of it...that's fine. i know i was lucky with how well i handled treatment and side effects...the more i read on the forum, the more i realize that i really did sail through treatment.

the most exciting news is that i'm scheduled to have my port removed a week from friday! it will be so nice to get rid of it, as it really just is one more reminder of cancer (and a little bit uncomfortable). i'll always wear my scars proudly, but i don't need a scar with a bump under it for my pride. after that, if all goes well, it will be nothing cancer related until august when i will have my first post-treatment scan, and follow up visits with both my medical and radiation oncologists.

that's all for now...i'll do my best to keep up with this blog, and all of my many thoughts of being a cancer survivor. until then...fight on, warriors!

1 comment:

  1. I am SO excited for you to get your port out!! That is huge, Grace!