September 11, 2009

focus on the accomplisments, not the obstacles that lay ahead...

today was surgery day...i've been dreading this day since the day they found an abnormality on my chest x-ray. it's safe to say i'm scared to death of any anesthesia, so, needless to say, the totally unconscious, intubated kind was the scariest of them all. now, several hours out of the hospital, it's my favorite day, so far, in this cancer journey. why? because i feel an enormous sense of accomplishment. not only did i hold it together pre-surgery, but i had a very quick recovery from the anesthesia, met some really wonderful people in the hospital, and was allowed to go home shortly after. it's an amazing sense of relief that it's over, and an even better feeling to know i cleared another hurdle in all this.

yes, my greatest obstacle is ahead of me...treatment is going to be tough. i know. however, with each accomplishment throughout the last couple months, i feel more and more confident that i can get through the next one, and the one after that, too. i have to, i don't really have a choice - well, i do, but it's not a very viable option.

so, again i'm fortunate to be able to have a new insight - one of the things i thank cancer for. life throws things in your way that you don't expect all the time. it's not uncommon...luckily, many of these things are minor. i've always found it easier to dissect larger tasks into smaller, easy to accomplish ones. and, a little at time, i work my way towards my end goal. now, with the same tactic, i plan to break my end goal (free of cancer) into little steps. tomorrow...recovery. next week...determine treatment. and so on. each step takes me forward, makes me feel inspired by what i can accomplish, and forces me to face the next one...

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